Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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