I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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