so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
