There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
