if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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