I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
