if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
