She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I think my moral compass just broke
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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