Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
