You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
