do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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