D3 body, D1 cock
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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