we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
