I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
