She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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