If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
