1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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