i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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