The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
