I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
