He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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