I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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