My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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