Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
