Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you traded sex for a burrito?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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