I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
it's great music for shaving your balls
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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