It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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