Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My feet surprised me
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