im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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