did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
