She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
