So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
