he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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