I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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