hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
