I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
