I faked an abortion last night.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
