Whatcha textin bout Willis?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
and she was petting her beer can
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
