i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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