just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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