the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
