Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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