the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
