Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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