We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
