Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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