I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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