I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
