remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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