I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You dont lie about slip and slides
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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