I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
