If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
