You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
