i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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