Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
