I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
